Thoughts for the day...

As I lay in bed this morning waiting for the alarm to go off...don't ask why I do that...I was thinking about my marriage. And I was thinking that it's only been 5 months since our split. Shouldn't I be feeling more than I am feeling about it? Shouldn't I feel sad? Shouldn't I feel regret for it's end? 18 years of togetherness...shouldn't it have been harder to dismiss the past from my life? If I don't feel all that...what does that mean? Was I just fooling myself all those years? When I think back and look for the good times together...the only ones that I remember the feeling of love for him are the ones before we got married. All the good times after the marriage involved the kids. I always thought I tried to make time for just us...but I guess it wasn't enough. Is that how it is? You have kids and then you forget about each other? I am thinking too much obviously...but that is how I get when I get in these moods...I over analyze. Then I start to think about my love now. How did I survive without it before? I tell him everything...probably more than he wants to hear...LOL. It feels like there was no 20 year gap. How did I survive all those years keeping all of myself in and not sharing...amazing differences. Night and Day.... I like how I feel now alot better....I feel like myself once again....

So today I am off on an adventure....stay tuned to see where I go...

Comments

Kim Mailhot said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kim Mailhot said…
May your new adventure be full of free and easy love...
Jen Crossley said…
Cindy What a honest post I dont think you over analyze at all.You have come such a long way in 5 months and I feel your life is just beginning to take off with a new career in your beautiful art.
You are alot stronger than you think
Jen
Melissa M said…
This reminds me of a song 'I feel Bad' by Rascal Flatts. As it goes I feel bad that I don't feel bad. That length of time in a relationship people think we should feel more than some people do for a longer period of time. There may be times that a feeling sparks within you in the future. Another song I want to send your way is also from Rascal Flatts and the title is 'My Wish'. It's out on You Tube.
You have come so far and are destined for so much more.